When we reach the midlife gatepost, it is normal for women to look back over their lives. It is a point of introspection about identity, purpose, and the paths we’ve journeyed. It is at this gatepost of life that many women find themselves grappling with a sense of being stuck, feeling like they have lived a life not their own and pondering who they really are.
Why do we get stuck or feel like the life we have lived is not what we envisioned for ourselves. For women navigating this phase, I will explore 4 areas of stuckness that will allow understanding the roots of this feeling so that we take the first step towards liberation, rediscovery and reinvention.
Living Our Lives Based on Expectations of Others
From a young age, women are often taught to nurture, please, and adhere to societal norms, and many times to value the opinions and expectations of others, sometimes more than their own. Conforming to these expectations can lead to a life path dictated not by personal desires, but by societal norms and the expectations of those around us. We become adept at molding ourselves to the expectations of others – family, partners, employers. When we don’t give ourselves permission to explore our true selves, it manifests in the career choices, relationships, or even our daily habits, to the point that we feel out of sync with our true selves.
We “wake” frozen in fear that we have lived a life that fits someone else’s dream, leaving us feeling unfulfilled, disconnected, and stuck with a loss of our identity. It’s like wearing a garment tailored for another – it never quite fits, no matter how much we try to adjust it.
Loss of Identity Due to a Major Life Event
Significant life events such as divorce, an illness, the loss of a loved one, children leaving home, or even retirement become the catalyst for an identity crisis. Once these roles we’ve played have been stripped from our hands, we no longer have that identity and purpose to cling to. We look at ourselves in the mirror wondering who we are if we can no longer be these past roles. Questioning our identify outside these roles makes us feel untethered and can be disorienting, like suddenly finding oneself in an unknown city without the ability to navigate.
Chasing Achievements to Validate Ourselves in Front of Others
We live in a world today that many times equates success with achievements, it’s easy to fall prey to perpetual achievement-seeking for validation. This seeking of validation and worth in the form of promotions, accolades, and even societal status can become a relentless chase that leaves no room to savor or reflect on our journey. But as midlife approaches, the achievements start to feel hollow. The irony is, in this constant striving for recognition, we lose sight of what genuinely fulfills us. We begin to wonder whose applause we’ve been chasing, a realization that can be chilling, leaving us to question our self-worth.
Feeling Age Precludes Us from Being, Doing Something New
There’s a pervasive societal narrative that as we reach a certain age that certain doors are no longer open to us, that it’s too late to embark on new endeavors, or explore untapped passions. And that new beginnings and adventures are the realm of the young. This can make us feel that our time for more great experiences has expired. But midlife is a pivot point, one that is rich with potential. Our age is not a countdown but a collection of experiences, wisdom, and resilience. It’s never too late to start a new. It’s about shifting our mindset from age as a limitation to age as an asset.
Signal to Step Courageously Forward
This feeling of being stuck is a signal for us to take a brave step forward into desires long hidden or recent longings to experience something new and alluring. We get to realign achievements with our inner values and passions and define what personal success means to us. It is a time where we get to redefine life on our terms, discovering our desires beyond the roles we have played in life, and stepping into our courage to live them out loud. We get to rise and reinvent the life we design.
If you feel stuck and need support moving forward in life and would like to speak with a life coach, contact me at [email protected]
Images – personal and courtesy of pexels.com